Despair

"Despair is a sense of hopelessness about a person's entire life and future. When extreme hopelessness seeps into all the corners of our lives and combines with extreme sadness, we feel despair."

"Personalization: When we experience despair and hopelessness, we often believe that we are the problem and forget to think about larger issues and context. Self-blame and criticism don't lead to increased hopefulness; they're quicksand. Realizing that outside factors play a role in our struggles can give us a different lens on our experience.

"Permanence: This one is tough, because thinking that our struggle will never end is built in to the experiences of despair and hopelessness. This is the "Tomorrow will be no different from today" thinking. One way to build resilience is to practice thinking about the temporary nature of most setbacks as a part of how we look at adversity on a daily basis."

"Pervasiveness: Sometimes, when we're struggling, we fall into the trap of believing that whatever we're up against has stained or changed every single thing in our life. Nothing good is left."

"Hopelessness is serious. In more than thirty years of research...have established that experiences of hopelessness are strongly and specifically related to suicidality."  -Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart, pages 102-104.

Coping

"At times we may despair that our burdens are too great. When it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciples in the storm, “Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38). At such times we should remember His reply: “Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?” (v. 40). The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ—whether it removes our burdens or strengthens us to endure and live with them...—is available for every affliction in mortality." -Dallin H. Oaks "He Heals the Heavy Laden" October 2006.

“Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are ‘like a broken vessel,’ . . . we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.” -Jeffrey R Holland "Like a Broken Vessel" October 2013

"I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.” Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show compassion one of another." -Jeffrey R Holland "Like a Broken Vessel" October 2013

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of despair. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Allow yourself to feel positive emotions. Give yourself permission to smile, laugh, and partake in things that bring you joy. These things can relax you and even distract you from the tragedy you have endured, and they are things your loved one would want you to be doing. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/ 

“Seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation." Jeffrey R. Holland, "Like a Broken Vessel", November 2013.

More Self-Care Ideas 

Discussion

• Describe a moment when you felt despair. What did it feel like, and what helped you move through it?

• When despair feels all-consuming, what is something—even small—that keeps you going?