Questions - Why?

You might have a lot of questions, many of them starting with "why." Why now, why so soon? Why do I feel like I failed them? Why didn't the doctors do more? Why did God allow this to happen? Why didn't prayer change the outcome? 

"You might have your own version of these questions, born out of the most agonizing thing you’ve experienced in your life. Even Jesus Christ, while He suffered on the cross, cried out, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34).  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/email/lifes-big-questions/why-does-god-allow-bad-things-to-happen 

“The overarching question asked by the bereaved and the burdened is simply this: Why? Why did our daughter die, when we prayed so hard that she would live and when she received priesthood blessings? Why are we struggling with this misfortune, when others relate miraculous healing experiences for their loved ones? These are natural questions, understandable questions. But they are also questions that usually go begging in mortality. Still, we mortals quite naturally want to know the why."

"...in pressing too earnestly for the answer, we may forget that mortality was designed, in a manner of speaking, as the season of unanswered questions. Mortality has a different, more narrowly defined purpose: It is a proving ground, a probationary state, a time to walk by faith, a time to prepare to meet God (Abr. 3:24–25; 2 Ne. 31:15–16, 20; Alma 12:24; Alma 42:4–13). It is in nurturing humility ( Alma 32:6–21) and submissiveness (Mosiah 3:19) that we may comprehend a fullness of the intended mortal experience and put ourselves in a frame of mind and heart to receive the promptings of the Spirit. Reduced to their essence, humility and submissiveness are an expression of complete willingness to let the “why” questions go unanswered for now. I believe that mortality’s supreme test is to face the “why” and then let it go, trusting humbly in the Lord’s promise that all things must come to pass in their time (D&C 64:32).” –Lance B. Wickman "But If Not" https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2002/10/but-if-not

"As I turned to the scriptures, I read in 2 Nephi 9:20 that God knows “all things, and there is not anything save he knows it.” If the Lord knew beforehand what would happen to our son, then the word accident takes on a greater meaning. Yes, it was an accident, but the fact that the Lord knew that such a thing could happen in mortality made it easier for me to accept and bear. I felt trust and faith in Him. I knew I could cast my burdens on the Lord and He would sustain me (see Ps. 55:22). I realized that simply because God knows all things does not imply that He is responsible for what happens. I am grateful for the Atonement that can compensate for whatever happens and can heal all my wounds." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2003/01/working-through-my-grief 

"I gained strength by reading a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles titled “Trust in the Lord.” He said: “Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding and compassion, which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain” (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 16–17)."

"He said that questions such as “Why does this have to happen to me?” or “Why do I have to suffer this now?” lead us into blind alleys. Rather, Elder Scott suggests asking questions like “What am I to learn from this experience?” “Whom am I to help?” and “How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial?”"

"I have resisted the temptation to ask, “Why?” Instead, I have asked for Heavenly Father’s guidance through my trials. He has blessed me with hope in the future, helped me to heal my heavy heart, heightened my awareness of the goodness around me, given me opportunities to serve, deepened my compassion for others, and magnified my love for family and friends."

"Through it all, I have gained a testimony that our challenge is to surrender our will to our Heavenly Father because only then can we personally be refined and polished in the ways He has specifically designed for each of us." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2011/06/he-carried-my-sorrows

"Whatever questions or problems you have, the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Learn more about His Atonement, His love, His mercy, His doctrine, and His restored gospel of healing and progression. Turn to Him! Follow Him!" President Russell M. Nelson April 2023 https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/04/58nelson 

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Try journaling your responses to these questions:

• Reflect on the "why" questions that surface most frequently for you regarding your loss. Write down each question, and then explore how the absence of an answer makes you feel. 

• Describe a time when you’ve found a small measure of peace or acceptance, even without having all the answers. What was happening in that moment? 

• Imagine speaking to a the Lord in person about your unanswered questions. What advice or perspective do you think He might offer?

More Self-Care Ideas 

Discussion

• How has the presence of unanswered questions impacted your life?

• What do you do with your "why" questions?

• Have you experienced moments where you felt a sense of peace or acceptance despite not having all the answers, and what, if anything, helped bring about that feeling?