Shock and Denial

"Most people pass through five emotional stages when they grieve: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and adjustment. These can occur in any order, and some may be skipped or may be repeated more than once.  Denial is typically the first stage of grief. Individuals experiencing denial may deny what has happened, go numb, or experience shock." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/counseling-resources/grief-and-loss 

"If the death of a loved one comes suddenly or unexpectedly, the immediate reaction is usually one of disbelief: “It can’t be true; you must be mistaken,” or “Are you sure?” These common reactions are accompanied by a numbing effect, during which time the person does not fully comprehend the impact that this loss will have upon their life." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1972/10/alone-through-death 

Shock and denial are natural responses to intense grief. They often come first, like a fog that settles over you. You may feel as if the world has stopped.  You might hear yourself say, “This can’t be happening,” or “I keep expecting them to walk through the door.” These thoughts are not wrong. They’re part of the grieving process.

What shock and denial might feel like:

• You feel numb, as if you’re watching life from outside yourself

• You struggle to accept the finality of death, even when you know it happened

• You feel disconnected from emotions, or overwhelmed by small tasks

• You wonder if something is wrong with you for not crying or feeling “enough”

These are normal reactions. Shock is the soul’s way of saying, “This is too much to feel all at once.” Denial whispers, “Maybe this isn’t real.” These are not signs of weakness or spiritual failure. They are sacred pauses for the heart to begin absorbing what feels unbearable.

In the initial stages of shock and denial, the goal is not to “fix” your grief, but to gently steady yourself amid the first waves by grounding in eternal truths. This is a journey of healing—one that calls for patience with yourself and deep reliance on the divine comfort offered through God’s plan, His Holy Son, and His Holy Spirit.

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Keep a journal. Express your emotions through writing them down. Write about hard things. Make notes of the tender mercies you receive and the hand of the Lord in your life. Write about what you are grateful for. 

More Self-Care Ideas 

Discussion

• When you first learned of your loss, what did your body or mind do to protect you? 

• Are there scriptures or spiritual truths that have helped you feel anchored during your early grief?

• In what ways has God felt near—or far—during this season?