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"It can help to be aware of the stages of grief. Most people pass through five emotional stages when they grieve: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and adjustment. Anger: In this stage, individuals may direct anger at God, themselves, or other people around them." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/counseling-resources/grief-and-loss
Anger is a common emotion that arises during the grieving process. Here are some reasons why:
Death is inevitable and we are powerless to prevent it. This feeling of helplessness can manifest as anger at the unfairness of it all.
We often struggle with a deep sense of injustice, especially if our loved one was young. This can lead to anger directed at God.
Anger can sometimes be easier to feel and express than overwhelming sadness, fear, or vulnerability. It can act as a protective shield, diverting attention from the raw pain of loss. Beneath the anger, we might have feelings of abandonment, disappointment, fear about the future. These feelings may be too difficult to confront; anger can be a way to divert these intense emotions.
Anger can be directed at family, friends, medical professionals, or the system. We may resent others that we feel contributed to the loss, didn't do enough to prevent it, or aren't offering adequate support.
We may feel angry at the person who died for "leaving" us, for not reaching out for help, for being selfish, or for causing us such great pain.
Grief activates our body's stress response, releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This can make anger more intense and harder to control, leading to sudden outbursts.
"I carried a lot of anger towards my mom for ending her life, until a very wise man shared this advice with me: 'Would you be mad at someone for dying of a heart attack? No, because their heart was sick and it was beyond their control. With suicide, the person's mind is sick, which is also beyond their control.'" -Brandy Lidbeck "The Gift of Second: Healing from the impact of suicide" page 85.
Coping
Coping
Give yourself permission to feel it: Don't judge yourself for being angry. It's a natural and valid reaction to loss. Trying to suppress or ignore the feeling will only make it worse in the long run.
Talk to someone you trust: Share your feelings with a close friend or family member who can listen without judgment. Sometimes, just articulating your anger can help you process it.
"Consider...keeping a journal of those angry feelings....(You) may decide to destroy the journal after moving past this stage, but for the time being, it can provide a safe outlet for anger." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/counseling-resources/grief-and-loss
"To manage your anger, identify the different emotions underlying it. It’s often easier to be angry than to deal with your real, underlying feelings. Below is a list of some underlying emotions and experiences that may result in you feeling angry.
Resentful, disappointed, ashamed, hopeless, guilty, overwhelmed, embarrassed, frustrated, inferior, grief, insensitive, heartbroken, afraid, anxious, worried, threatened, nervous, rejected, entitled, hurt, offended, victimized, lonely, injustice, hunger, fatigue, unmet expectations." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/emotional-resilience-for-self-reliance/6-overcoming-anger/6-learn
Grief counseling or therapy: A grief counselor or therapist can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.
Self-Care
Self-Care
Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey.
Accept your limitations and your pace. Healing takes time, and it's okay to set boundaries or avoid certain triggers until you're ready. Some things may be too difficult for you to do right now, whether that is going into the bedroom of your loved one, visiting their grave, or something else. Your grief is unique and everyone heals at different a different pace. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/
Discussion
Discussion
Has anger shown up for you since your loss? If so, what are some reasons for it?
How do you express your anger?
What are some ways you cope with anger?
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