Yearning

Yearning is a deep, aching longing we feel for the loss of our loved one. It’s an intense emotional pull toward them,  an intense desire to see them again, hear their voice again, and share in their warmth again. 

Our yearning is rooted in the deep bond we shared with the person who has passed; it can be accompanied by memories and regrets. It can come in waves, at times as a quiet sorrow and other times as overwhelming grief. We may look for them in familiar places. Some studies show that yearning is one of the most dominant emotions (if not THE most dominant emotion) following a significant loss. 

For many of us, the yearning to reconnect with our loved one has dramatically changed our attitude toward death, especially our own. Instead of dread, we may now look forward to it, anticipating the joyous reunion that awaits us. 

Our Relationship Now

“Sometimes the Lord expands our vision from this point of view and this side of the veil, that we feel and seem to realize that we can look beyond the thin veil which separates us from that other sphere. … [And we would understand that] those who have passed beyond, can see more clearly through the veil back here to us than it is possible for us to see them from our sphere of action. I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus are associated and united to them by ties that we cannot break, that we cannot dissolve or free ourselves from. … And therefore, I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; they can comprehend better than ever before, the weaknesses that are liable to mislead us into dark and forbidden paths. They see the temptations and evils that beset us in life and the proneness of mortal beings to yield to temptation and wrong doing; hence their solicitude for us and their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.” -Joseph F. Smith, in Conference Report, April 1916, 2–3. 

“When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred [and] friends. … In like manner, our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given to them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.” -Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 435–36. 

The words of President Heber J. Grant (1856–1945)—who lost several family members during his lifetime, including three children—helped me keep this mind-set. He said: 'I can never think of my loved ones … as being in the grave. I rejoice in the associations they are enjoying and in the pleasure they are having in meeting with their loved ones on the other side.'”  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2019/03/redesigning-my-life-after-loss 

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Worship often in the temple.  President Russell M. Nelson: “Nothing will protect you more as you encounter the world’s mists of darkness. Nothing will bolster your testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement or help you understand God’s magnificent plan more. Nothing will soothe your spirit more during times of pain. Nothing will open the heavens more. Nothing!"

More Self-Care Ideas 

Discussion

• What does yearning feel like for you after the loss of your loved one? Are there specific situations or memories that intensify the yearning for your loved one? 

• How has your perspective on death changed?

• In what ways do you feel connected to your loved one even after their passing?