Grief Fog, Numbness, Fatigue

In our support group, we discuss common emotions we experience in our grief. We understand that everyone's grief is unique and our emotions may occur in different orders or with varying degrees of intensity and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. 

If you are struggling with the profound impact of suicide, please know that you do not have to carry this immense burden alone. The shock, pain, and complex emotions can be incredibly challenging, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength and courage. We encourage you to seek support from trusted friends, family, and a support group where you can connect with others who understand. Consider engaging in therapy with a mental health professional specializing in trauma and grief. They can provide essential tools and a safe space to process your experience and navigate the intense emotions that arise. 

Grief Fog

Following a traumatic loss, we may feel like a thick fog has descended upon us, clouding our mind, making it difficult to concentrate. Some call this "grief fog".  Grief fog can manifest as forgetfulness, confusion, trouble focusing, feeling lost, or feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. It can also feel like time is moving too fast, or too slow, or some combination of the two. See https://www.griefspecialists.org/post/grief-brain-fog-why-it-happens-and-how-to-cope 

Numbness

When a suicide crashes into our lives, the vibrant colors of our lives can drain away leaving a stark, gray landscape. In those initial moments, and sometimes stretching long afterwards, a profound numbness can descend. It's not the absence of feeling, exactly, but more like an emotional anesthesia, a detachment from the raw agony that can be overwhelming.

This numbness acts as a shield, a temporary buffer against the full force of the pain. It's the mind and body's way of saying, "This is too much, too fast. I need time to absorb the impossible." Everyday sensations might feel muted, as if experienced through a thick pane of glass. The laughter of others can sound distant and foreign, their concerns trivial in the face of such a catastrophic event. Even the reality of the loss itself can feel surreal, an unbelievable nightmare from which we expect to awaken.

Fatigue

We can also experience a profound and debilitating fatigue, far beyond normal tiredness. It's a deep, pervasive exhaustion that affects our mind, body, and spirit. It's a natural, though often distressing, response to the immense strain placed on our system. Here's how this fatigue can manifest itself:

1. Mental Exhaustion: Our minds are constantly processing the trauma, the shock, the grief, and the unanswered questions. This intense mental work is incredibly draining, like running multiple complex programs in our brains simultaneously, without pause. The constant ebb and flow of intense emotions—sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, numbness—is emotionally taxing. Each wave of emotion can leave us feeling depleted. Our minds can feel foggy, unable to focus, unable remember things, or unable make even simple decisions. This "brain fog" is a result of our brain's resources being redirected to emotional processing, leaving little capacity for other mental tasks.

2. Physical Exhaustion: After a traumatic event, our body's "fight or flight" system can remain on high alert, even unconsciously. This hyper-arousal (feeling wired, on edge, scanning for danger) is physically exhausting, burning through energy reserves. Despite being exhausted, quality sleep is often elusive. Nightmares, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and heightened awareness can lead to insomnia, frequent waking, or restless sleep that doesn't feel restorative. It can feel like being constantly on a treadmill. In the depths of our grief, basic self-care like eating regularly, staying hydrated, or engaging in light physical activity can be neglected, further contributing to physical fatigue.

3. Spiritual Exhaustion: Grappling with the "why" of a suicide death, especially one that challenges one's faith, can be spiritually exhausting. The effort to find meaning in something meaningless can drain our spiritual energy. A profound sense of meaninglessness or a loss of purpose can also contribute to a deep, spirit-level fatigue, where our motivation to engage with life diminishes.

It's like living with a constant low battery. Our fatigue can lead to social withdrawal, irritability, and a feeling of helplessness, making the already arduous journey of grief even more challenging.

Discussion

1. Have you experienced grief fog? What has your experience been like for you?

2. Can you describe what the feeling of numbness has been like for you in your grief? What sensations or lack thereof do you experience? 

3. What activities feel exhausting now that didn't before your loss?

“Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a ‘healing’ cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are ‘healed’ by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us.” -Dallin H. Oaks "He Heals the Heavy Laden" October 2006.

"God hears every prayer we offer and responds to each of them according to the path He has outlined for our perfection. It is for reasons known only to God why prayers are answered differently than we hope—but I promise you they are heard and they are answered according to His unfailing love and cosmic timetable. If we “ask not amiss,” there are no limits to when, where, or about what we should pray.  Our prayers ought to be vocal when we have the privacy to so offer them. If that is not practical, they should be carried as silent utterances in our heart." -Jeffrey R. Holland "Motions of a Hidden Fire" April 2024

"Our prayers can be and should be living discussions with our Heavenly Father." -Russell M. Nelson "Think Celestial" October 2023

"Our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and will help us as we call upon Him for assistance. I believe that no concern of ours is too small or insignificant. The Lord is in the details of our lives.” -Thomas S. Monson "Consider the Blessings" October 2012

“As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon." -David A. Bednar  "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality" April 2012

Discussion

1. Have you found anything that helps restore your energy, even in small ways? 

2. What strategies have helped you balance rest and daily responsibilities? 

3. What would you say to someone who is struggling with grief-related fatigue?

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation. President Russell M. Nelson invited us: "I renew my plea for you to do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation." To do this you could:

1. Create intentional time and space to hear God's voice. This could include daily scripture study. 

2. Act on spiritual promptings.

3. Seek opportunities to serve others as guided by the spirit.

4. Worship regularly in the temple.

5. Humbly ask God to teach you what He wants you to know and to do.

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• What emotions feel most exhausting to carry right now?

• How do you give yourself permission to take breaks from grief?

• What are some ways you can be gentle with yourself when exhaustion feels overwhelming?