Self-Care

Losing a loved one to suicide or mental illness is a traumatic event; it includes intense grief and affects every part of our being: emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Taking care of yourself during this painful time isn't selfish, it's vital for your healing.  Self-care is important because:

1. Grief is exhausting; it takes a toll on your energy. Even simple tasks can feel overwhelming. Self-care helps rebuild your energy. 

2. Physical health may be impacted. Your sleep may be disturbed, you may have changes in our appetite, your immune system could be weakened, and you may even experience physical pain. Self-care can help counteract these effects. 

3. Burnout and breakdown can happen. If you neglect yourself, you may be more likely to hit a wall emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Self-care can create space to recover and stabilize.

4. Emotions could get sent to the basement. If you don't give your emotions space to be witnessed and processed, if you tamp them down, they could get stuck and later emerge stronger in unpredictable ways. Self-care helps emotions flow and take their natural course. 

5. It honors your loved one. Your loved one would want you to take care of yourself. They would want you to choose to be healed.

6. It helps you to connect with God and others. In your grief, you may tend to isolate. With self-care, you seek for healing connections with family, friends, and others who will listen. You especially seek connection with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, who are the ultimate sources of healing power.

Here are some self-care practices to consider...

Talk with your Heavenly Father often during the day through prayer, even if it feels difficult. You can be honest and express the full range of your emotions to Him. "Our prayers can be and should be living discussions with our Heavenly Father. " President Russell M. Nelson

Study the life of the Savior. In April 2017, President Russell M. Nelson invited us to study the life of the Savior. To do this you could

1. Study the Topical Guide section titled "Jesus Christ". It has over 2,000 references to deepen your understanding and personal relationship with Him. 

2. Study the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

3. Record what you learn in your journal.

4. Pray to understand how His life and atonement apply to your personal grief and healing. 

Study the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In October 2024, President Russell M. Nelson invited us: "I urge you to devote time each week—for the rest of your life—to increase your understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ." To do this you could

1. Use the Topical Guide to search "Atonement of Jesus Christ".

2. Record what you learn in your journal.

3. Pray specifically to understand and access the Savior's atonement in your struggles.

4. Turn your deepest hurts and sorrows over to the Savior, each day, perhaps even every hour. 

Increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation. President Russell M. Nelson invited us: "I renew my plea for you to do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation." To do this you could:

1. Create intentional time and space to hear God's voice. This could include daily scripture study. 

2. Act promptly on spiritual promptings.

3. Seek opportunities to serve others as guided by the spirit.

4. Attend worship services.

5. Humbly ask God to teach you what He wants you to know and to do.

Worship often in the temple.  President Russell M. Nelson: “Nothing will protect you more as you encounter the world’s mists of darkness. Nothing will bolster your testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement or help you understand God’s magnificent plan more. Nothing will soothe your spirit more during times of pain. Nothing will open the heavens more. Nothing!” 

Exercise regularly. Physical activity is vital for both physical and mental health. If needed, start with gentle forms of exercise (walking, stretching). Here are some suggestions:

• Identify specific, achievable goals for physical activity, such as walking a certain distance or exercising for a set amount of time each day.

• Make It a Routine: Schedule regular times for exercise, just as you would for other important activities.

• Choose Activities You Enjoy: Engage in activities that you find fun and fulfilling, such as walking, biking, swimming, or playing sports.

• Start Small: Begin with manageable amounts of exercise and gradually increase the intensity and duration as you build stamina.

• Involve Others: Exercise with family, friends, or community groups to stay motivated and make it a social experience.

• Use Available Resources: Take advantage of local parks, trails, or fitness facilities to add variety to your routine.

• Stay Consistent: Even on busy days, try to fit in some form of physical activity, like stretching or a short walk.

Get plenty of rest. If you are having trouble sleeping, try these suggestions:

• Establish a Routine: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day to regulate your body's internal clock.

• Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment: Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Remove distractions like electronic devices.

• Avoid Stimulants: Limit caffeine and sugar intake, especially in the evening.

• Exercise Regularly: Engage in physical activity during the day to promote better sleep at night.

• Relax Before Bed: Practice calming activities like reading scriptures, praying, or meditating to ease your mind.

• Stay Hydrated: Drink enough water during the day but avoid excessive fluids close to bedtime.

• Eat Wisely: Avoid heavy meals late at night and opt for light, nutritious snacks if needed.

• Seek Spiritual Strength: Pray for peace and guidance to overcome stress or worries that may disrupt sleep.

Eat a well-balanced diet. Consider the following:

• Follow the Word of Wisdom: This revelation encourages the consumption of wholesome foods like fruits, vegetables, grains, and meat in moderation.

• Eat a Variety of Foods: Include items from all food groups—grains, vegetables, fruits, dairy, and protein sources like meat, beans, and nuts.

• Stay Hydrated: Drink plenty of clean water daily to support overall health.

• Practice Moderation: Avoid overeating and limit the intake of processed foods, sugars, and unhealthy fats.

Connect with supportive people. It's important to spend time on a regular basis with people who can listen, offer empathy, and understanding. Identify your informal supports: family, friends, work friends, church members, and neighbors. Keep them informed and use them; most people who offer help actually want to help if they are given clear direction and a time-limited role. Consider sending texts and emails outlining how they can best help you.

Share with a new person. Identify someone new that you could seek out and share your grief experience with. This may be a church leader or a friend you haven’t spoken with in a while. After your conversation, think about and journal what worked and didn’t work in your discussion.

Find a support group and start attending. It may feel scary or awkward at first because you may not know anyone there at first. But give it a change. Commit to attending at least three times before you decide to stop going.

Consider seeking or continuing with professional therapy. If you need a referral, ask members of your support group or talk to church members and leaders. 

Read a good book. Books on suicide grief we recommend are 

1. After Suicide Loss: Coping with your grief (2nd Edition) by Jack Jordan Ph.D and Bob Baugher Ph.D

2. The Gift of Second: Healing from the impact of Suicide by Brandy Lidbeck

Other recommended books are

1. Sacred Struggle: Seeking Christ on the Path of Most Resistance by Melissa Wei-Tsing Inouye

2. More to come...

Listen to uplifting music. Create a playlist that can inspire you. Find a song that you connect with the loss and share it with the other people or with group members. Reflect on the lyrics and what they mean to you. Use the music as a stimulus for journaling. Use music to support relaxation.

Keep a journal. Express your emotions through writing them down. Write about hard things. Make notes of the tender mercies you receive and the hand of the Lord in your life. Write about what you are grateful for. 

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment, intentionally and without judgment. It means noticing your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and surroundings with gentle awareness. Mindfulness is not about getting rid of grief. It’s about making room for it, witnessing it with compassion, and allowing yourself to heal. Grief often pulls us into the past (memories, regrets, what-ifs) or pushes us into the future (fears, loneliness, uncertainty). Mindfulness helps bring us back to now—where breath, comfort, and healing can happen. For more resources see https://mindful.org.  You can also download the Healthy Minds Program mobile app and give it a try. It can be an easy way to practice mindfulness for a few minutes each day. 

Practice self-compassion, which is extending the same compassion you would graciously extend to others to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. According to Dr. Kristen Neff, there are three components of self-compassion: self kindness instead of self-judgment, identifying with humanity instead of seeking isolation, and mindfulness. Go to https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/ and try the self-compassion exercises. 

Set aside time to cry. Identify a comfortable place to grieve and set aside a time daily or several times a week to allow your grief to surface. You may want to set a timer and limit your time. You may want to use photos or mementos of the person who died to invite your emotions to flow. Then you can let your emotions run their natural course, letting the tears flow freely. Many people feel stronger when they are in charge of their time and place to grieve rather than letting their grief control them.

Try daily affirmations. Affirmations are short, positive, truth-based statements that help reframe your thoughts, encourage hope, and support emotional healing. They’re especially powerful for those who are grieving, because loss often brings self-doubt, pain, guilt, or hopelessness. Affirmations don’t deny your grief—they remind you that healing is still possible inside it. Some ideas to consider:

1. In your journal, begin each entry by writing an affirmation. Let it guide your thoughts as you process what you're feeling. 

2. Speak them to yourself in the mirror or quietly during prayer. Hearing your own voice affirm truth can bring comfort and strength. 

3. Place affirmations on your mirror, fridge, car dashboard, or phone lock screen as a gentle reminder throughout the day. 

4. Turn affirmations into heartfelt prayers. Invite God to help you cultivate these truths in your life.

5. Here are some examples of affirmations:

   • I am allowed to feel all of my emotions.

   • Healing is happening, even when I can’t see it.

   • Jesus understands my grief. He walks this path with me. 

   • I am doing the best I can today—and that is enough. 

Explore various ways of expressing your grief. Other than talking, there are multiple ways to acknowledge your grief and express your feelings such as through poetry, painting, drawing, dancing, planting a tree or garden, visiting a place of meaning, collecting keepsakes, writing letters to your loved one, giving service and dedicating the act to your loved one, baking, sculpting, crafting a memory jar, crocheting, making grief beads or bracelets, assembling a model, putting together a puzzle, practicing yoga, taking a class on something that interests you, going on a walk, etc. 

Try a body scan meditation to identify where grief resides in your body:

1. Find a Quiet Space: Sit or lie down in a comfortable, peaceful environment where you won't be interrupted. Close your eyes.

2. Set an Intention: Begin with a simple thought, such as "I am here to honor my grief and understand it."

3. Focus on Your Breath: Take slow, deep breaths, inhaling deeply through your nose and exhaling gently through your mouth. Allow your body to relax.

4. Scan Your Body: Slowly bring your attention to each part of your body, starting from your head and moving down to your toes. Pay close attention to areas where you feel tension, pain, or heaviness.

5. Notice Sensations Without Judgment: Observe the physical sensations in each area of your body. If you feel discomfort or tightness, gently acknowledge it without trying to change or fix it.

6. Connect with the Emotion: Once you locate areas of tension or heaviness, reflect on the emotions tied to those sensations. Does it feel like sadness, guilt, or longing? Give yourself permission to feel these emotions.

7. Release and Soothe: If you feel ready, try soothing these areas by imagining warmth or light flooding through them as you exhale. Offer yourself compassion and reassurance.

8. End with Gratitude: When you're ready to finish, take a few deep breaths and thank yourself for creating time to connect with your grief and your body. 

Stay present. Take this process one day at a time and take each moment as it comes. This allows you to be able to identify, acknowledge, and accept your feelings as they come. Grief following a suicide can feel unpredictable. Keep a journal, practice yoga, or meditate – anything that gives you time to focus on what you are feeling and how you want to handle it. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/ 

Accept your limitations and your pace. Healing takes time, and it's okay to set boundaries or avoid certain triggers until you're ready. Some things may be too difficult for you to do right now, whether that is going into the bedroom of your loved one, visiting their grave, or something else. Remember that the process of grief is slow and everyone heals at different a different pace. Do not rush to catch up to others who seem further ahead in their grieving than you are. It is important you respect your own limitations and figure out on your own terms how and when to push past them. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/ 

Be patient. You may not be the only person who is affected by this loss. Think about the range of emotions you are feeling and consider that others around you are going through a similar process. Be patient with yourself and with others. Some people will provide you with incredible support. Others simply do not understand what you are going through. If you can, avoid people who tell you how to feel or make you feel badly about how you lost your loved one. There is no right way to grieve and despite the unfortunate stigma still linked to it, “suicide” is not a dirty word. Know your limits and respect them. Learn the limits of others and respect those, too. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/ 

Allow yourself to feel positive emotions. Give yourself permission to smile, laugh, and partake in things that bring you joy. These things can relax you and even distract you from the tragedy you have endured, and they are things your loved one would want you to be doing. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/ 

Get back into a routine. Your life has been altered in a huge way and it will never be the same. Still, it may be beneficial for you to get “back to normal” as best you can and as soon as possible. Having some sort of structure in your grieving process can help establish a sense of normalcy and even a sense of hope. https://samaritanshope.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care-for-suicide-loss-survivors/ 

Try a walking meditation. This is a gentle and grounding mindfulness practice that combines the physical movement of walking with intentional focus and reflection, helping you connect with your emotions and find peace. Here's how you can practice walking meditation while navigating grief: 

1. Set an Intention: Begin with a clear purpose, such as honoring your grief, seeking solace, or simply connecting with yourself.

2. Choose a Peaceful Space: Find a quiet path or area where you can walk without distractions. It could be a park, a garden, or even indoors.

3. Focus on Your Breath: Start by taking slow, deep breaths. Let your breath anchor you in the present moment.

4. Walk Slowly and Mindfully: Move at a comfortable pace. Pay attention to each step—how your feet lift, move forward, and land on the ground.

5. Be Present in the Sensations: Notice the feel of the earth beneath your feet, the sounds around you, and the rhythm of your movements.

6. Observe Your Emotions: As you walk, allow your grief and other emotions to surface naturally. Accept them without judgment and offer yourself compassion.

7. Incorporate Reflection or Prayer: If you're inclined, you can silently express a prayer or reflect on cherished memories of your loved one.

8. End with Gratitude: Conclude your walk by giving thanks—whether for the peace you found, the emotions you honored, or the strength to continue.