Despair

In our support group, we explore the emotions that accompany suicide grief, recognizing that each person's journey is unique. The intensity and order of these emotions vary, and there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel. The effects of this trauma can be overwhelming, but you don't have to carry this burden alone. Seeking support and healing from heaven, trusted friends, family, a support group, and qualified mental health professionals is an act of courage and wisdom. 

Despair

"Despair is a sense of hopelessness about a person's entire life and future. When extreme hopelessness seeps into all the corners of our lives and combines with extreme sadness, we feel despair."

"Personalization: When we experience despair and hopelessness, we often believe that we are the problem and forget to think about larger issues and context. Self-blame and criticism don't lead to increased hopefulness; they're quicksand. Realizing that outside factors play a role in our struggles can give us a different lens on our experience.

"Permanence: This one is tough, because thinking that our struggle will never end is built in to the experiences of despair and hopelessness. This is the "Tomorrow will be no different from today" thinking. One way to build resilience is to practice thinking about the temporary nature of most setbacks as a part of how we look at adversity on a daily basis."

"Pervasiveness: Sometimes, when we're struggling, we fall into the trap of believing that whatever we're up against has stained or changed every single thing in our life. Nothing good is left."

"Hopelessness is serious. In more than thirty years of research...have established that experiences of hopelessness are strongly and specifically related to suicidality."  -Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart, pages 102-104.

"At times we may despair that our burdens are too great. When it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciples in the storm, “Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38). -Dallin H. Oaks "He Heals the Heavy Laden" October 2006.

“I believe that the challenge of overcoming and growing from adversity appealed to us when God presented His plan of redemption in the premortal world. We should approach that challenge now knowing that our Heavenly Father will sustain us. But it is crucial that we turn to Him. Without God, the dark experiences of suffering and adversity tend to despondency, despair, and even bitterness.”  -D. Todd Christofferson "The Refining Fire of Affliction" March 2022

Hope

“Not all problems are overcome and not all needed relationships are fixed in mortality. The work of salvation goes on beyond the veil of death, and we should not be too apprehensive about incompleteness within the limits of mortality.” -Dallin H. Oaks "Powerful Ideas" Ensign, Nov 1995, 26.

“Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are ‘like a broken vessel,’ . . . we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.” -Jeffrey R Holland "Like a Broken Vessel" October 2013

“Hope is mightier than a wistful wish. Hope, fortified by faith and charity, forges a force as strong as steel. Hope becomes an anchor to the soul. … If we will cling to the anchor of hope, it will be our safeguard forever.” -Russell M. Nelson "A More Excellent Hope" Jan 1995

"At times we may despair that our burdens are too great. When it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciples in the storm, “Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38). At such times we should remember His reply: “Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?” (v. 40). The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ—whether it removes our burdens or strengthens us to endure and live with them like the Apostle Paul—is available for every affliction in mortality." -Dallin H. Oaks "He Heals the Heavy Laden" October 2006.

"I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.” Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show compassion one of another." -Jeffrey R Holland "Like a Broken Vessel" October 2013

Discussion

1. When despair feels all-consuming, what is something—even small—that keeps you going? 

2. How has your understanding of hope changed through your grief journey? 

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Read a good book. Books on suicide grief we recommend are 

1. "After Suicide Loss: Coping with your grief (2nd Edition)" by Jack Jordan Ph.D and Bob Baugher Ph.D

2. "The Gift of Second: Healing from the impact of Suicide" by Brandy Lidbeck

3. "Bruised & Wounded: Struggling to Understand Suicide" by Ronald Rolheiser (a catholic priest)

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• Describe a moment when you felt despair. What did it feel like, and what helped you move through it?

• What does hope mean to you right now? Has your definition changed?