Relief

In our support group, we explore the emotions that accompany suicide grief, recognizing that each person's journey is unique. The intensity and order of these emotions vary, and there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel. The effects of this trauma can be overwhelming, but you don't have to carry this burden alone. Seeking support and healing from heaven, trusted friends, family, a support group, and qualified mental health professionals is an act of courage and wisdom. 

Relief

Relief is defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety, distress, or pain. The greater the prior state of suffering, the more profound the feeling of relief can be. While it can be pleasant, relief is different from joy or happiness. It's more about the absence of something negative rather than the presence of something positive, though it can open the door to joy and happiness. Here's how relief can feel after a suicide loss:

1. Relief from suffering: If our loved one struggled with a mental illness, an addiction, a severe disability, or was trapped in a great deal of pain leading up to their death, relief can stem from our understanding that their suffering has ended. 

2. Relief from the burden of caregiving or witnessing suffering: For those of us who were primary caregivers, particularly in cases of prolonged mental illnesses, there can be a deep, almost physical relief from the constant demands, emotional drain, and physical exhaustion of care. If we were constantly worried about our loved one's safety or well-being, there can be relief from the incessant fear, vigilance, and psychological strain of living with that threat. This is not a relief that our loved one is gone, but a relief from the overwhelming worry and burden of care. 

3. Relief from a dysfunctional relationship: While extremely complex and often accompanied by intense guilt or shame, if our relationship with the deceased was characterized by abuse, chronic conflict, or deep dysfunction, the death can bring a sense of freedom or relief from constant emotional distress. 

4. Relief from immediate burdens: The swarm of loving friends and family after a traumatic death, though often overwhelming initially, brings a profound sense of relief. In the daze of grief, reaching out or asking for help can feel impossible. The relief comes from others instinctively stepping in, often knowing exactly what is needed without us having to articulate it. The sheer presence of loved ones, taking on these tasks without being asked, is an enormous physical and mental relief. For those of us who experienced this immediately after our loss, we felt a heavy weight lifted from our shoulders. 

“God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom. The people of the Church need each other’s strength, support, and leadership in a community of believers as an enclave of disciples. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read about how important it is to ‘… succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.’ (D&C 81:5.) So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds!” -Spencer W. Kimball "Man of Action" January 2007 https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/01/spencer-w-kimball-man-of-action 

5. Relief from profound loneliness: Traumatic grief can create an isolating void. When friends and family gather, it shatters that intense feeling of being utterly alone with an unbearable pain. Their physical presence signifies that we are seen, we are loved, and we are not abandoned in our suffering. 

6. Relief from the pressure to "be strong": Often, in the initial shock, there's an internal pressure to hold it together. When loved ones arrive and surround us, their collective strength can provide a safe space to finally let go. It's the relief of knowing we can break down, cry, scream, or just be numb, without needing to explain. Their presence gives us permission to grieve.

7. Relief from heaven: “When tragedies overtake us, when life hurts so much we can’t breathe, when we’ve taken a beating like the man on the road to Jericho and been left for dead, Jesus comes along and pours oil into our wounds, lifts us tenderly up, takes us to an inn, looks after us. To those of us in grief, He says, ‘I will . . . ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, . . . that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions’. Christ heals wounds.” -Sharon Eubank “Christ: The Light That Shines in Darkness,” Liahona, May 2019

Discussion Questions

1. Can relief be complicated. Have you experienced relief mixed with guilt or sadness? 

2. What relief did you experience (or continue to receive) from friends and family after your loss?

3. What relief did you experience (or continue to receive) from heaven?

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Help someone else. Refocus your energy by serving someone else. Our ultimate goal is to love others like Christ did, even when we are struggling. Christ gave us an example of this love when He forgave His persecutors and made sure His mother would be cared for even as He suffered on the cross. As hard as it can be, we can get better perspective on our lives when we stop and think of others and look for ways to help. 

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• Have there been moments when you felt relief in your grief? What emotions accompanied that feeling?

• Does feeling relief ever bring guilt? How do you navigate that complexity?

• If relief feels unfamiliar or fleeting, what would it take to welcome it without judgment?