Yearning

In our support group, we explore the emotions that accompany suicide grief, recognizing that each person's journey is unique. The intensity and order of these emotions vary, and there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel. The effects of this trauma can be overwhelming, but you don't have to carry this burden alone. Seeking support and healing from heaven, trusted friends, family, a support group, and qualified mental health professionals is an act of courage and wisdom. 

Yearning

Yearning, in the context of losing our loved one, is a deep, almost aching longing we feel for their presence. It’s an intense emotional pull toward our loved one, an intense desire to see them again, hear their voice, or simply share in their warmth once more. 

Our yearning is rooted in the deep bond we shared with the person who has passed, and it can be accompanied by memories, regrets, or even a sense of searching for them in familiar places. It can come in waves, sometimes as quiet sorrow and other times as overwhelming grief. Some studies show that yearning is one of the most dominant emotions (if not THE most dominant emotion) following a significant loss. https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/yearning-most-salient-feeling-following-a-loss/

For many of us, the yearning to reconnect with our loved one has dramatically changed our attitude toward death, especially our own death. Instead of dread, we may now look forward to death because of the joyous reunion that awaits us on the other side. It can be a conflicting experience because while we have many reasons for living, we may also have an intense desire to reunite with our loved one beyond the veil.

While the thought of taking our own life is not something most of us seriously consider, we need to be mindful of the spread of suicide ideation. Studies show that those deeply affected by suicide loss are at higher risk. Even though it's not easy, we need to take extra care of our loved ones and those who may be vulnerable and be willing to engage in conversations about suicide.

Discussion

• What does yearning feel like for you personally after the loss of your loved one?

• Are there specific situations or memories that intensify the yearning for your loved one? 

• How has your perspective on death changed?

Our Relationship Now

“Sometimes the Lord expands our vision from this point of view and this side of the veil, that we feel and seem to realize that we can look beyond the thin veil which separates us from that other sphere. … [And we would understand that] those who have passed beyond, can see more clearly through the veil back here to us than it is possible for us to see them from our sphere of action. I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus are associated and united to them by ties that we cannot break, that we cannot dissolve or free ourselves from. … And therefore, I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; they can comprehend better than ever before, the weaknesses that are liable to mislead us into dark and forbidden paths. They see the temptations and evils that beset us in life and the proneness of mortal beings to yield to temptation and wrong doing; hence their solicitude for us and their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.” -Joseph F. Smith, in Conference Report, April 1916, 2–3. 

“When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred [and] friends. … In like manner, our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given to them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.” -Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 435–36. 

"There are people over there who are pulling for us—people who have faith in us and who have great hopes for us, who are hoping and praying that we will measure up—our loved ones who have passed on." Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, 31. 

The words of President Heber J. Grant (1856–1945)—who lost several family members during his lifetime, including three children—helped me keep this mind-set. He said: 'I can never think of my loved ones … as being in the grave. I rejoice in the associations they are enjoying and in the pleasure they are having in meeting with their loved ones on the other side.'”  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2019/03/redesigning-my-life-after-loss 

Discussion

• What does the doctrine of eternal families mean to you personally, especially in the context of your loss? 

• How has your understanding of God’s plan for families brought you comfort—or challenged you—during this time of grief? 

• In what ways do you feel connected to your loved one even after their passing? 

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Worship often in the temple.  President Russell M. Nelson: “Nothing will protect you more as you encounter the world’s mists of darkness. Nothing will bolster your testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement or help you understand God’s magnificent plan more. Nothing will soothe your spirit more during times of pain. Nothing will open the heavens more. Nothing!"

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• What does the doctrine of eternal families mean to me today, in the midst of my grief?

• How has my understanding of “forever” changed since the passing of my loved one?

• When have I felt closest to my loved one since their death? How did that moment impact my testimony of eternal families?