Yearning

In our support group, we discuss common emotions we experience in our grief. We understand that everyone's grief is unique and our emotions may occur in different orders or with varying degrees of intensity and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. 

Yearning

Yearning, in the context of losing our loved one, is a deep, almost aching longing we feel for their presence. It’s an intense emotional pull toward our loved one, an intense desire to see them again, hear their voice, or simply share in their warmth once more. 

Our yearning is rooted in the deep bond we shared with the person who has passed, and it can be accompanied by memories, regrets, or even a sense of searching for them in familiar places. It can come in waves, sometimes as quiet sorrow and other times as overwhelming grief. Some studies show that yearning is one of the most dominant emotions (if not THE most dominant emotion) following a significant loss. https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/yearning-most-salient-feeling-following-a-loss/

For many of us, the yearning to reconnect with our loved one has dramatically changed our attitude toward death, especially our own death. Instead of dread, we may now look forward to death because of the joyous reunion that awaits us on the other side. It can be a conflicting experience because while we have many reasons for living, we may also have an intense desire to reunite with our loved one beyond the veil.

While the thought of taking our own life is not something most of us seriously consider, we need to be mindful of the spread of suicide ideation. Studies show that those deeply affected by suicide loss are at higher risk. Even though it's not easy, we need to take extra care of our loved ones and those who may be vulnerable and be willing to engage in conversations about suicide.

Discussion

• What does yearning feel like for you personally after the loss of your loved one?

• Are there specific situations or memories that intensify the yearning for your loved one? 

• How has your perspective on death changed?

Scriptures

"Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?" John 11:25-26

"In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality …then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?" 1 Corinthians 15:52-55

"But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ. He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death." Mosiah 16: 8-9 (Words of Abinadi )

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also."  John 14:1-3

"When the Savior shall appear we shall see him as he is. We shall see that he is a man like ourselves. And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." Doctrine and Covenants 130:1–2 

Quotes from Church Leaders

“The family is not an accident of mortality. It existed as an organizational unit in the heavens before the world was formed.” -Robert D. Hales  “The Eternal Family” October 1996

“Marriage and family are ordained of God. The family is the most important social unit in time and in eternity. Under God's great plan of happiness, families can be sealed in temples and be prepared to return to dwell in His holy presence forever. That is eternal life!” -Russell M. Nelson "Thanks Be to God," April 2012

“In temples, the sealing power makes individual salvation and family exaltation universally available to the children of God wherever and whenever they may have lived on the earth. … The very reason the earth was created was so families could be formed and sealed to each other. Salvation is an individual matter, but exaltation is a family matter. No one can be exalted alone.” -D. Todd Christofferson “The Sealing Power,” October 2023

“We cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others, even when they impact us so painfully. Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can.” -Dallin H. Oaks "Divorce," May 2007

“Not all problems are overcome and not all needed relationships are fixed in mortality. The work of salvation goes on beyond the veil of death, and we should not be too apprehensive about incompleteness within the limits of mortality.” Dallin H. Oaks 

“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.” -Jeffrey R. Holland “Because of Your Faith” October 2010

Discussion

• What does the doctrine of eternal families mean to you personally, especially in the context of your loss? 

• How has your understanding of God’s plan for families brought you comfort—or challenged you—during this time of grief? 

• In what ways do you feel connected to your loved one even after their passing? 

Self-Care

Worship often in the temple.  President Russell M. Nelson: “Nothing will protect you more as you encounter the world’s mists of darkness. Nothing will bolster your testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Atonement or help you understand God’s magnificent plan more. Nothing will soothe your spirit more during times of pain. Nothing will open the heavens more. Nothing!"

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• What does the doctrine of eternal families mean to me today, in the midst of my grief?

• How has my understanding of “forever” changed since the passing of my loved one?

• When have I felt closest to my loved one since their death? How did that moment impact my testimony of eternal families?