Anxiety

In our support group, we discuss common emotions we experience in our grief. We understand that everyone's grief is unique and our emotions may occur in different orders or with varying degrees of intensity and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. 

If you are struggling with the profound impact of suicide, please know that you do not have to carry this immense burden alone. The shock, pain, and complex emotions can be incredibly challenging, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength and courage. We encourage you to seek support from trusted friends, family, and a support group where you can connect with others who understand. Consider engaging in therapy with a mental health professional specializing in trauma and grief. They can provide essential tools and a safe space to process your experience and navigate the intense emotions that arise. 

Fear and Anxiety

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. 

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), fear is an intense, immediate, and typically short-lived emotional response to a present and identifiable threat or danger. Anxiety is a prolonged feeling of unease, apprehension, or dread about a future, anticipated, or uncertain threat or negative event. It's often related to worries about what might happen. Whatever their precise differences in meaning, however, the terms are often used interchangeably in common parlance.  https://dictionary.apa.org/fear https://dictionary.apa.org/anxiety 

Losing our loved one to suicide is a profound shock to a our entire system. The suddenness, violence, and unexpected nature of such a loss can shatter our sense of safety and predictability, making us susceptible to intense and pervasive anxiety. Here's why and how we can feel anxiety.

1. Shattered Sense of Safety and Control: We may feel that if such a terrible thing could happen, anything could happen, leading us to a state of uneasiness and vulnerability. 

2. Hypervigilance and Heightened Awareness: Because our "danger radar" has been activated in such a shocking way, we may become hypervigilant, constantly scanning our environment for potential threats. This can manifest as anxiety about noise, crowds, specific locations, or anything that reminds us of the trauma.

3. Intrusive Thoughts and Flashbacks: Anxiety can be triggered by intrusive thoughts, images, or even smells and sounds related to the traumatic event. These "flashbacks" can feel real and lead to physical responses such as a racing heart and shortness of breath. Our mind may obsessively replay the events leading up to the death. We may repeatedly speculate on "what if" scenarios, trying to find meaning, leading to chronic worry.

4. Fear for Other Loved Ones' Safety: Having experienced such a devastating loss, there's often a heightened fear that similar tragedies will befall other family members or friends. This can lead to constant worry about their safety, excessive calling or texting, or difficulty letting them out of sight.

5. Fear of Abandonment: The trauma of being "left behind" can fuel anxiety and fear about future abandonment.

6. Physical Manifestations of Anxiety: The body's "fight or flight" system can remain activated, leading to persistent physical symptoms like: Muscle tension (neck, shoulders, jaw), restlessness and an inability to relax, fatigue from constant tension, heart palpitations or chest tightness, shortness of breath or feeling smothered, digestive issues, headaches or migraines, difficulty falling or staying asleep, nightmares (often related to the trauma), and waking up with a racing heart are common, perpetuating the anxiety cycle.

7. Social Anxiety and Avoidance: We may feel anxious in social settings, fearing awkward conversations about our loss, judgment, or simply being overwhelmed by sensory input. We might avoid places, people, or activities associated with the loss or with the outside world, creating a sense of isolation that can worsen anxiety.

8. Questioning Life's Meaning: A traumatic death can trigger profound questions about the meaning of life, the randomness of fate, and mortality. This can lead to deep-seated anxiety about the fragility of existence.

9. Fear of the Unknown: The unexpected nature of the death can foster a deep fear of the unknown and an inability to plan for the future with any sense of security.

Discussion Questions

1. How has anxiety shown up in your grief journey since experiencing loss?

2. What specific fears or worries have intensified after your loved one’s passing?

3. How do unexpected triggers or reminders affect your daily life?

Coping with Anxiety

"Both our anxiety and our fear need to be understood and respected, perhaps even befriended. We need to pull up a chair and sit with them, understand why they're showing up, and ask ourselves what there is to learn. Dismissing fear and anxiety is not useful to our quest for connection and is as dangerous as choosing to live in constant fear and anxiety." -Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart, page 13.

"There is evidence that music can help reduce anxiety and stress. When you are feeling stressed or discouraged, sing to yourself or listen to a favorite piece of music. 'Hymns [and other uplifting music] can lift our spirits, give us courage, and move us to righteous action. They can fill our souls with heavenly thoughts and bring us a spirit of peace.'” (“First Presidency Preface to Hymns,” Hymns, 1985, x). https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/emotional-resilience-for-self-reliance/4-managing-stress-and-anxiety/4-resources 

"As President M. Russell Ballard counseled: “Prayer can change our own lives. Motivated by sincere prayer, we can improve and help others to do the same. Because of anxiety, I have relied on prayer a lot, and this has helped me deepen both my relationship with Heavenly Father and my faith that He hears all prayers. My prayers have truly become more meaningful over time as I’ve dealt with this challenge and relied on Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father for help. I talk to Heavenly Father about my feelings, my day, my worries—anything, really. Even if He doesn’t take the anxious thoughts and feelings away, when I turn to Him for help, I feel like His hand is on my shoulder and He reassures me that He is with me. He helps me know that I am His and that I’m not alone." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2024/03/digital-only-young-adults/anxiety-making-you-feel-isolated-these-3-tips-can-help 

"When I recognize how the Savior has helped me, I’m able to feel a sense of belonging and the assurance that I am known. My struggle with anxiety motivates me to seek out the comforting presence of the Spirit, and because of this, I’m always engaging with small and simple spiritual habits (see Alma 37:6) every day to draw Christ’s power into my life. Having faith in His grace and sacrifice truly is the greatest key I need to tackle all of life’s hardships and challenges. As He taught, “I am the light of the world” (John 8:12), which, to me, means no darkness we experience can smother His light." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2024/03/digital-only-young-adults/anxiety-making-you-feel-isolated-these-3-tips-can-help 

“Seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation." Jeffrey R. Holland, "Like a Broken Vessel", November 2013.

Discussion Questions

1. What are some strategies that have helped you manage anxious thoughts and feelings?

2. How do you seek comfort or reassurance when your anxiety feels overwhelming?

3. What does healing look like for you, even when anxiety persists? 

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for healing. Small daily acts of kindness to yourself can make a difference in moments of deep distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. 

Listen to uplifting music. Create a playlist that can inspire you. Find a song that you connect with the loss and share it with the other people or with group members. Reflect on the lyrics and what they mean to you. Use the music as a stimulus for journaling. Use music to support relaxation.

Talk with your Heavenly Father often during the day through prayer, even if it feels difficult. You can be honest and express the full range of your emotions to Him. Know that He understands. Imagine Him sitting close to you, listening and offering support. "Our prayers can be and should be living discussions with our Heavenly Father. " President Russell M. Nelson

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• When has anxiety made you feel disconnected from others, and how can you remind yourself that you are not alone? 

• How does anxiety affect your ability to grieve, and in what ways does it hold you back? 

• What fears or worries have become stronger since losing your loved one?