Questions - Why?

You might have a lot of questions, many of them starting with "why." Why did my loved one take their life? Why didn't they reach out to me for help first? Why didn't I receive a prompting to intervene? Why didn't I do more to help them? Why did God allow my loved one to suffer with so much pain that they ended their life? Why did He allow the mental illness to torment them to the point of suicide? 

You might have your own version of these questions, born out of the most agonizing thing you’ve experienced in your life. Even Jesus Christ, while He suffered on the cross, cried out, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34).  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/email/lifes-big-questions/why-does-god-allow-bad-things-to-happen 

“After my sister’s death, I was frequently asked the question, “What happened?” The danger of this question is that it really can’t be answered. This process can haunt those who are left behind for many years. “What happened?” leads to “Why?” which leads to “What more could I have done to save them?” We don’t ask if we could have stopped a heart attack or healed cancer, but it is easy to play the “what if" game when someone we love deals with mental illness. I went over and over in my mind, what if I could have talked to her that day? What if I had visited her more? What if we had fasted again for her healing or had more faith? Would any of that have saved her? These questions can add intensity and years to the process of grief." -Ganel-Lyn Condie https://www.ldsliving.com/4-lessons-of-hope-i-learned-from-my-sisters-suicide/s/78249

“The overarching question asked by the bereaved and the burdened is simply this: Why? Why did our daughter die, when we prayed so hard that she would live and when she received priesthood blessings? Why are we struggling with this misfortune, when others relate miraculous healing experiences for their loved ones? These are natural questions, understandable questions. But they are also questions that usually go begging in mortality. Still, we mortals quite naturally want to know the why." –Lance B. Wickman "But If Not" October 2002

Discussion

1. What questions about your loved one's death or the circumstances surrounding it still linger for you?

2. How has the presence of unanswered questions impacted your life?

Answers

"The truth is that answers only come from God. He knows the hearts of those that suffer, the ones that take their lives, and the ones that try to survive the suffering. Incredible grief leads to never-ending questions that only Father in Heaven, who holds the stars in the heavens in balance, can ultimately answer. Remember that some answers and understanding will not come until the next life.” -Ganel-Lyn Condie https://www.ldsliving.com/4-lessons-of-hope-i-learned-from-my-sisters-suicide/s/78249

"...in pressing too earnestly for the answer, we may forget that mortality was designed, in a manner of speaking, as the season of unanswered questions. Mortality has a different, more narrowly defined purpose: It is a proving ground, a probationary state, a time to walk by faith, a time to prepare to meet God (Abr. 3:24–25; 2 Ne. 31:15–16, 20; Alma 12:24; Alma 42:4–13). It is in nurturing humility ( Alma 32:6–21) and submissiveness (Mosiah 3:19) that we may comprehend a fullness of the intended mortal experience and put ourselves in a frame of mind and heart to receive the promptings of the Spirit. Reduced to their essence, humility and submissiveness are an expression of complete willingness to let the “why” questions go unanswered for now. I believe that mortality’s supreme test is to face the “why” and then let it go, trusting humbly in the Lord’s promise that all things must come to pass in their time (D&C 64:32).” –Lance B. Wickman "But If Not" October 2002

"Moments of difficulty offer us opportunities to grow and learn. In the book of Isaiah, we read, “Behold, I have refined thee … ; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction” (Isaiah 48:10). Like the heat of a refiner’s fire purifies metal ore and forges stronger steel, your difficulties purify and strengthen you.

When we experience hard times, we learn how to have empathy for others. The empathy you develop as you experience new difficulties makes you more like Jesus Christ, who provided a perfect example for all of us to follow. Because Jesus suffered and died for all of our sins, He perfectly understands what you're going through and how to help you.

God gives each of His children agency. Unfortunately, that sometimes means that innocent people will suffer due to the choices of others. But God has promised that suffering will not last forever. In the New Testament, we read that after this life, “God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (Revelation 21:4). All that is unfair about life will be made right through Jesus Christ." https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/email/lifes-big-questions/why-does-god-allow-bad-things-to-happen 

Discussion

1. What do you do with your unanswered questions?

2. Over time, have you found any answers to your questions?

3. Have you experienced moments where you felt a sense of peace or acceptance despite not having all the answers, and what, if anything, helped bring about that feeling? 

Self-Care

Get plenty of rest. If you are having trouble sleeping, try these suggestions:

• Establish a Routine: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day to regulate your body's internal clock.

• Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment: Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Remove distractions like electronic devices.

• Avoid Stimulants: Limit caffeine and sugar intake, especially in the evening.

• Exercise Regularly: Engage in physical activity during the day to promote better sleep at night.

• Relax Before Bed: Practice calming activities like reading scriptures, praying, or meditating to ease your mind.

• Stay Hydrated: Drink enough water during the day but avoid excessive fluids close to bedtime.

• Eat Wisely: Avoid heavy meals late at night and opt for light, nutritious snacks if needed.

• Seek Spiritual Strength: Pray for peace and guidance to overcome stress or worries that may disrupt sleep.

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• Reflect on the "why" questions that surface most frequently for you regarding your loss. Write down each question, and then explore how the absence of an answer makes you feel. Do you experience frustration, confusion, anger, or a different emotion? How do these feelings impact your daily life or your sleep? 

• Describe a time when you’ve found a small measure of peace or acceptance, even without having all the answers. What was happening in that moment? What thoughts or actions, if any, contributed to that feeling? Consider what lessons you might draw from that experience about finding comfort amidst uncertainty. 

• Imagine speaking to a the Lord in person about your unanswered questions. What advice or perspective do you think He might offer? How might His words help you to reframe or cope with the aspects of your grief that remain unresolved?