Heartache - The Atonement of Jesus Christ

Emotions

In our support group, we discuss common emotions experienced by those who grieve the loss of a loved one to suicide or mental illness. Keep in mind that not everyone will experience these emotions, and they may occur in different orders or with varying degrees of intensity. We may experience a mix of seemingly contradictory feelings simultaneously (i.e. sadness and joy). Strong emotions are a normal part of the grieving process, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. 

Heartache

Our hearts broke when our loved one died. We were devastated. For many of us, it was a physical pain felt deep in our hearts. In fact, studies have shown that intense grief can lead to the sudden weakening of the heart muscle. Symptoms can be like a heart attack, including chest pain, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeats, or a racing heart. 

Heartache can also result in a weakened immune system, making the body more susceptible to infections, colds, and flu. It can also cause weight loss due to loss of appetite and also weight gain as a coping mechanism. Some experience severe headaches and migraines. Some feel dizzy or lightheaded. Others may experience sleep disturbances leading to insomnia or excessive sleeping as a form of escape.

"Sometimes our hearts are broken. We may weep until our eyes are dry and wonder if there is any relief." -Brent H. Nielson, "Spiritual Capacity," November 2016

"We live in a world that causes much pain...In moments of deep despair, we may feel as though we are at the breaking point, that life’s burdens are too heavy to bear." -Ulisses Soares, "Jesus Christ: The Caregiver of Our Souls," May 2021

"I have come to understand a small part of the anguish the Savior must have felt as He knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane and said, 'O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me." -Robert D. Hales, "Faith through Tribulation Brings Peace and Joy," May 2003

Discussion

• Many describe heartache as coming in waves or as a sudden rush of emotions at unexpected moments. What has it been like for you?

• What physical or emotional sensations have you felt related to your loss? 

Scriptures

• "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." (Psalms 35:18)

• "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." (Psalms 147:3)

Quotes from Church Leaders

“Just as the lame man at the Pool of Bethesda needed someone stronger than himself to be healed, so we are dependent on the miracles of Christ’s Atonement if our souls are to be made whole from grief, sorrow, and sin. Through Christ, broken hearts are mended and peace replaces anxiety and sorrow." –Merrill J. Bateman "Power to Heal," April 2003

“When tragedies overtake us, when life hurts so much we can’t breathe, when we’ve taken a beating like the man on the road to Jericho and been left for dead, Jesus comes along and pours oil into our wounds, lifts us tenderly up, takes us to an inn, looks after us. To those of us in grief, He says, ‘I will . . . ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, . . . that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions’. Christ heals wounds.” -Sharon Eubank “Christ: The Light That Shines in Darkness,” May 2019 

“He knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all. . . . His Atonement also provides the opportunity to call upon Him who has experienced all of our mortal infirmities to give us the strength to bear the burdens of mortality. He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He will bind up our wounds and care for us. The healing and strengthening power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement is for all of us who will ask.” -Dallin H. Oaks "Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ," October 2015

Discussion

• What hope and strength do you find in knowing that the Savior understands your suffering perfectly and is there to heal you?

• What miracles have you experienced during this heart-breaking time in your life?

Self-Care Ideas

Study the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In October 2024, President Russell M. Nelson invited us: "I urge you to devote time each week—for the rest of your life—to increase your understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ." To do this you could

1. Use the Topical Guide to search "Atonement of Jesus Christ".

2. Record what you learn in your journal.

3. Pray specifically to understand and access the Savior's atonement in your struggles.

4. Turn your deepest hurts and sorrows over to the Savior, each day, perhaps even every hour. 

More Self-Care Ideas 

Journal Prompts

• Think about a specific account from the Savior's life (e.g., comforting Mary and Martha after Lazarus' death, His suffering in Gethsemane, His words on the cross). How does His example in that moment speak to your own heartache and grief? 

• What qualities did He demonstrate that offer you comfort or a path towards healing? 

• Have you ever felt a moment of unexpected peace, comfort, or strength during your grieving process that you attribute to the Savior's healing power? Describe that experience.