Stigma and Shame - Empathy

“Because suicide is often poorly understood, some survivors feel unfairly victimized by stigma. They may feel that suicide is somehow shameful, or that they or their family are somehow to blame for this tragedy. Just as people can die of heart disease or cancer, people can die as a consequence of mental illness. Try to bear in mind that suicide is almost always complicated, resulting from a combination of painful suffering, desperate hopelessness, and underlying psychiatric illness. As psychologists Bob Baugher and Jack Jordan explain”

“ [O]nce a person has decided to end his or her life, there are limits to how much anyone can do to stop the act.…In fact, people sometimes find a way to kill themselves even when hospitalized in locked psychiatric units under careful supervision. In light of this fact, try to be realistic about how preventable the suicide was and how much you could have done to intervene.”

“ …Medical research is also demonstrating that major psychiatric disorders involve changes in the functioning of the brain that can severely alter the thinking, mood, and behavior of someone suffering from the disorder. …The illness produces biological changes in the individual that create the emotional and physical pain (depression, inability to take pleasure in things, hopelessness, etc.) which contribute to almost all suicides.” –Bob Baugher and Jack Jordan, After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief

According to Brene Brown: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection. “I am Bad”. Shame thrives in secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put shame into a petri dish and douse it with these three things (secrecy, silence, and judgment) it will grow exponentially into every corner and crevice of our lives.”

“The antidote to shame is empathy. If we reach out and share our shame experience with someone who responds with empathy, shame dissipates. Shame needs you to believe that you’re alone. Empathy is hostile environment for shame.”

“Self-compassion also helps us move through shame, but we need empathy as well for an important reason: Shame is a social emotion. Shame happens between people and it heals between people. Even if I feel it alone, shame is the way I see myself through someone else’s eyes. Self-compassion is often the first step to healing shame - we need to be kind to ourselves before we can share our stories with someone else.”